Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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