he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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