How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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