she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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