I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
