What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
