I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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