If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
