I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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