The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
