So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
