This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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