I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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