I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
