Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
