One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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