I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
