I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
