The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
