i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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