I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
