meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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