it wasn't lemon gatorade
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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