i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
