Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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