yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
