Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
