woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
