I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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