4 words: hood of his car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
