IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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