Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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