Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
