just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
