i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
