he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
