Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
