thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
