He is an equal opportunity slut.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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