he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
