it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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