JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
