My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
