Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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