i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
