How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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