Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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