The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
