Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
