I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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